I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
