it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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