her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
