i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
