I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
