New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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