i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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