he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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