I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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