The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
