time to smoke my breakfast
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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