While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
