areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
