Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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