It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
