I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
