Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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