He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
