We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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