I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize