My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
