im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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