Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
