yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
