I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
