No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
