he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
