I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
