If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
