if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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