i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
