he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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