I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
