Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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