update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
