batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
