Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
