his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
