You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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