so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
