i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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