Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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