Only a mothe r could love this liver
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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