I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize