I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
