Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
