i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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