Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
