i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
