oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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