I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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