my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
