I wish my penis had an off switch
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
