Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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