im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
