i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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