I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
