i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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