My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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