Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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