I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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