I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
