hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
