kristin has been a bad kristin
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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