Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
