make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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