I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
