you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
