but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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