Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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