how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
