ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
