he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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