Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize