i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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