oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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