I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
