OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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