You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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