I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
